


Hard feelings

by bbydollnana



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Breaking Up & Making Up, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Minor Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Mark Lee
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-10
Updated: 2019-04-10
Packaged: 2020-01-11 01:20:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,064
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18419873
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bbydollnana/pseuds/bbydollnana
Summary: Where jeno breaks jaemin’s heart on a winter afternoon and he realizes (a little late) that it was his worst mistake.





	Hard feelings

Jaemin feels his heart shatter in a billion pieces the moment he hears his boyfriend say those words he has been fearing so much to hear for the past week but accepts it nevertheless.

He keeps silent, without moving a single inch of his body as soft snowflakes start covering his coat but nothing could compare to the cold he feels inside of his chest, spreading through his whole body, like the flame that kept him warm through all these years and was now gone because jeno took it right in front of his eyes only to throw it away

He chuckled pathetically at himself as he began remembering every single moment he spend by jeno's side.

All those three years, from their first kiss as a couple that brought back goosebumps on jaemin’s skin because he could still feel _every single_ touch on his skin burning so hard it was turning icy cold, leaving him empty inside _again_ ,

Every single touch that felt as soft as velvet but now was blurring on his mind,

the rush he felt throughout his whole relationship until it ended up with silent rides and a tension so thick he could suffocate in it.

 

This past week kept now replaying on jaemin’s mind leaving a bitter taste on his mouth.

He couldn't believe how it came to this when he still felt the same towards his other half.  
He still feels his heart accelerate everytime jeno even holds his hand, every time he kisses him, hold him in his arms and just breathes next to him.

A tear rolled down his cheek, only to disappear and become nothing into the snowy floor

“it's cold, go home” he heard jeno said looking down at him and when jaemin stared inside his eyes he couldn't see anything more than an intense coldness that kept him on his place afraid or making the wrong move.

He understood it now.

It was because of him, jeno fell out of love because of _him._

Jeno sighed, cold frost coming out of his mouth and he simply turned around leaving jaemin broken, alone and cold.

“it has always been me, right?” he asked scared that his voice could break or couldn't come out at all.

Jeno stopped on his tracks 

“this I mean... you breaking up with me… it's because of me, right?” he insisted again, this time stronger as he found the strength to stand up and face him.

He was completely scared of the answer but he couldn't live a life without knowing where he’d gone wrong, at least not when the other person was jeno

“it isn't” he simply said leaving jaemin completely confused and he wished he could kill the spark that wanted to bloom on his insides because he _knew_ jeno wouldn't take him back “I just fell in love with another person” he finished and if jaemin felt his heart shattering into a billion pieces just a while ago, now his whole self shattered.

He felt _so weak_ , so fragile and so vulnerable, he felt as if he was cut open and exposed to the whole world to see his bleeding heart while he was just dying and screaming inside

He should go and let go of jeno piece by piece but he knew the other was also a big piece of him and that's when he realized his mistake.

All he knew was the older, all he could breathe and love. 

His whole soul and body was covered in jeno and _belonged_ to jeno.

 

There wasn't a part of his body where the other didn't exist.

The simple thought brought the feeling of weakness and he simply wanted to give up on feeling.

“you still feel something for me?” he asked in the tiniest voice his body let him and for a second he swore he saw jeno’s eyes go back to the softness it once held inside them again making jaemin hope.

“I love you but we can't continue this, my heart is somewhere else” he said and jaemin nodded inhaling deeply and forcing out a smile 

“it has always been real” he told him and jeno knew exactly what he meant 

 

_My feelings have always been real_

 

And he really wished things were different between them because jeno's feelings were also always real and true.

 

With his whole self shattered jaemin turned around and simply left, wishing to leave his broken self with jeno but after two whole years of distancing farther and further away from him he could finally begin to say that his whole body and soul was again his and not anyone's else.

As much pain as jeno brought him, the healing process was worth it, he almost forgot how it felt to love himself and not another person the same way.

It was never meant to end like that but he was glad it did in a way.

 

♡

 

On a peaceful friday night, jaemin found himself staring at the sky through the window, the stars shined so bright that he decided it was a good time to go outside.

It was like something was pulling him out and who was he to refuse?

He threw on a comfy white hoodie and head down the streets, without any destination in particular but after 10 minutes he realized where his legs were taking him and he smiled in memory, almost running up to the swing.

He just gripped the chains looking to the beautiful night, open and still light to be that late and he was glad the air at night was colder because it brought him back to beautiful times where he felt on the top of the world.  
When he thought nothing could ever break him and he never did, not at least while being in jeno's arms.

He sighed and continued swinging himself back and forth until he got tired and began walking around the little open park where he used to come and have little dates with his ex boyfriend making his heart fill with warmth.

He was about to turn back when he noticed a small mass of hair by the slide and he really didn't want to disturb but he walked up to the figure only to _unluckily_ know the person. 

 

He poked the boy softly to see if he was alive or even conscious considering the smell of alcohol and perfume he was reeking and his insides turned... because a passed out drunk jeno always meant trouble and he wasn't sure that was what he wanted at this point

“hey, are you okay?” he asked when he noticed the other boy open his eyes slowly only to close again shortly after

“I don't know, am I?” jeno asked to himself with eyes still closed and a slurred voice, almost indecipherable “I just want it to stop” he dragged the last word while holding his head in his hands

“are you hurt? Want me to take you to the hospital?” jaemin asked worried trying to touch jeno's forehead but the other just pushed his arm away

“I am hurt, thank you very much for noticing” he said again completely muffled but the other could make the words out from memory

“where? What’s hurting?” the boy in a white hoodie asked in an almost desperate voice because even though jeno broke him until he couldn't even breathe without thinking about him, he still cared about the other. “please let's go, don't make it harder” jaemin insisted and the other one stopped squirming around and started crying “no, don't cry!” 

“it burns nana, it burns so bad” he whispered and jaemin felt shivers down his spine at the mention of his name and he immediately froze “clear nights remind me of him… rooftops… love… cold, so cold” he said unintelligible and the other stared at him confused “wanna go… back… happiness” he said and smiled slightly still without opening his eyes

“you drank too much jen, how did you even end up here?” jaemin asked in almost a whisper and the other whimpered taking a hand to his heart

“it ends up here” he simply said and he couldn't understand his words but decided to try and get the boy to his feet, jeno's apartment was one block away.

“here, let me help you” jaemin said softly trying to keep the other boy standing but his whole weight was now put against jaemin’s shoulder and it was starting to hurt “give me your keys” he said and jeno had even the audacity to play for his keys “please” he said and jeno just threw them at him making him sigh.

 

After 15 minutes of trying to handle jeno, he put him up his back and carried him to his apartment while the other continued blabbering next to his ear probably a set of words without any meaning and jaemin wished he didn't open the door to jeno’s apartment.

The place wasn't a mess but it smelled like it.

The strong mix of alcohol, smoke and food made him hesitate to enter and he even considered bringing jeno to _his_ place instead but decided against it; marching inside the home only to go to the other boy's room and if the rest of his house wasn't messy, jeno's room won the medal to messiest place he had ever seen.

It was like he was never home because his bed was wrinkly made and the dirt staring to accumulate on his furniture was making it even more obvious.

He pulled the covers out and laid jeno on the bed before going to find painkillers and a glass of water

When he came back, jeno was blabbering again while squirming with a frown adorning his usually soft features

“you're fine” he said brushing jeno's now black hair and the other began breathing calmer 

“I miss being happy” he said while tears were flowing out of his eyes “I miss him so bad, nana, he was my everything” he managed to say before sniffing and jaemin could only stare at the boy break in front of him “I hurt him, I was an idiot” 

“it's fine, you're fine” he hushed him again, trying to calm him down but jeno wasn't having any of that

“it's not fine and I'm not fine either!” he exclaimed and pushed jaemin’s hand away angrily “it hurts so fucking much because he was the only one I've ever loved and I lost him. I let him get away from me and I'm fucking tired of getting drunk only to see him and remember how it felt to be next to him” he said in one single breath, trying to get up from his bed but his head felt heavier than the rest of his body so he ended up falling back “and you fucked up my plans of finding him” he added and jaemin sighed, trying not to let jeno's words affect him “are you happy to see me unhappy, do you know how bad a heart can hurt, have you ever been heartbroken? Then send me back to the park” he said while staring at the side of the bed without even waiting for a reply from the other male “he's going to get me back and I need to wait for him” 

 

Jaemin felt his strength lessening with every passing minute

 

“you can call him later, let him know you're here. It's dangerous to-”

“I don't have his number” he laughed emptily “I don't have anything left from him, just… me” he said while his voice broke and he started crying again “I was dumb for not doing anything earlier, when I had my chance with him but now I can't get him out of my head” he explained while covering his eyes with his arm “make it stop, like only he did…” he whispered mostly to himself but he other heard him

“I'm not him, I can't make it stop” jaemin said crouching down and holding the other's hand while looking at the ceiling

“try” he said in a voice that seemed completely tired, almost as tired as jaemin was

“I have to go” the latter said letting go of his hand and standing up, he saw jeno nodding from the corner of his eyes and a soft sigh left his lips

“it always end up like that... leaving” he said without any humor in the tone of his voice “Hear me out! Don't _ever_ fall in love. If you're already in love… don't lose what you have and…” 

Jeno stopped mid sentence while jaemin opened his eyes big as he tried to stop jeno but before he knew it the other had already thrown up and he cursed under his breath

“god jeno! You're such a bad drunk” he whined in a whisper, getting the boy into a sitting position “please cooperate with me” he said bringing the bucket closer and put it on his lap passing jeno a glass of water to rinse his mouth 

“n-nana” he whispered after he patted dry his mouth with the back of his sweater and jaemin’s froze, his heart beating faster than ever “I miss you” he smiled and began to pass out again not before blinking rapidly, trying to clear his vision “nana? You came back?…” he asked mumbling with a broken voice “I have to be tripping, how much did I even drink?” he whispered to himself closing his eyes once again “speak to me”

“I'm here” jaemin said with a shaky voice not louder than a mere whisper and the other smiled lightly. 

 

_Oh how he was regretting opening his mouth._

 

The mix of alcohol, vomit, dust, cigarettes and jeno's scent was making him feel dizzy, throat closing up and eyes stinging with his own tears

“thank you for coming back to me… will you stay… forever this time?” jeno asked and jaemin chuckled emptily.

 

_Same old drunk jeno_

 

“I fucked up that day… and I'm sorry” he stuttered, trying to open his eyes to stare at jaemin but all he could see was ashes of what once was the brightest fire to ever exist for him.  
Jeno extended his arm, trying to caress his face but the other was too far away from him. _Like always._

 

He sighed and closed his eyes, with his hand now holding his chest while tears fell from his eyes like rivers flowing along the valleys of his cheeks “so far away from me again… I'm fucking losing my mind but I can't get you out of it” he mumbled to himself almost as if jaemin was never there to begin with “please, at least one last time… I want… I want to feel you” he sobbed hard and the other felt his own heart breaking because he had been in that _exact same state_ two years ago “even though I know I'll end up hating myself even more because even in my mind I can't reach you… I'm still letting go of you… when all I really want to do is hold you close to me like I used to” he said in a whisper that was so powerful it shook jaemin completely down to his bones 

“nana… please… for tonight… just tonight, don't let go of me… just tonight jaem… it hurts and I'm so fucking sorry” he said sobbing pressing his head harder against the mattress “please tell me, let me know what only you know. Hold me” he said and with a last sniff he passed out, breathing softly through his mouth leaving again jaemin alone and with a tidal wave inside of him that was roaming around his whole body shaking him violently and crashing him completely down from the inside, he tried calming the storm inside of him by opening the gate that allowed his tears to flow like waterfalls down his cheek soaking his shirt and hoodie.

 

He cleaned up everything, covered jeno with a new blanket and just left, calling jeno's best friend 

 

“hey, nana it's been so long!” the voice exclaimed from the other side of the line and he smiled but sniffed

“are you busy? It's about... jeno” he said and bit his lip in anticipation but he only heard a sigh

“what happened this time?” 

“I just took him back to his apartment, can you check up on him when you're free?” he asked “I already cleaned everything, he's asleep”

“sure, I'll be there in 5” he said and jaemin heard the shuffling and the other boy grabbing his keys “I'm bringing the car so I'll give you a ride home” he offered and jaemin nodded even if he knew the other couldn't see him and thanked him ending the call and waited for the boy to appear

He sat on the few stairs that lead to the entrance of jeno's apartment playing with the latter’s keys where it hanged a key chain he once made for the other and he sighed at the memory hitting him like that.

 

Once again he felt a tug on his heart and it was getting harder to breathe and he tried to calm himself back and just forget about it until from the corner of his eyes he saw the familiar black car that stopped in front of him and he smiled politely, handing him the keys to jeno's apartment once the boy rolled down the window

 

“please don't tell him I was here. No matter how sure he is” jaemin said getting inside the car on the passenger seat adjusting his seat belt and the other simply drove 

“jaem…” the other began protesting but jaemin held his hand signaling to stop

“I was never there. If he asks, tell him he was talking to you all along and you just pretended to be me so he could just go to sleep” the brunette said pushing his hair back with shaky hands

“you want my honest opinion?” he said stopping on the red light and the other hummed “you should be there when he wakes up.” jaemin stared at him with his eyebrows furrowed “he's been doing stupid stuff just to see you again in hopes to make things right. And I'm sure he did the same tonight…” he said staring back at him with a soft look and jaemin didn't answer “and by your silence I get that I'm right. You saw how broken he is? Tell me that's what a boy should be like if he doesn't regret things he did in the past” 

“when he broke my heart I was just like that but _sober_ mark!” he snapped at him, but he wasn't angry, he was just disappointed and tired “sleepless cold nights… crying every single day and night” he shook his head at the memory “I loved him with every cell in my body. 

You know how bad it hurts to realize you're not longer yourself without someone else by your side? To know your mind, soul and body belongs to someone who is no longer by your side and he doesn't love you anymore because he found in other guy what he swore he always loved about you?” he asked trying hard not to cry but the lump on his throat was getting unbearable at this point 

“you know how hard it is to let go of something that burned so deep inside of you? I had to learn to live knowing there were things that forever will keep burning with his name on it and I'm still here.

 _He_ was the one who decided to end things, he was the one who fell in love with another guy and left me for him” jaemin spat with a venomous mouth that dared to pierce everything on his path with his words but eventually he just sighed “just say you were there, I don't want to hear it anymore, thanks for the lift” he said with a cold voice and got out of the car, leaving mark completely speechless

He walked toward his house and collapsed on the couch, trying to mend his soul that got ripped apart again by the same boy who shattered it completely in the first place.

 

♡

 

When jeno woke up he found mark next to him, not jaemin, and he sighed

“a little enthusiasm I fucking cleaned your vomit last night!” he exclaimed hitting jeno's arm lightly

“it was so vivid in the end… his voice, his smell” jeno said in a whisper “can you please send me to therapy?” he asked laying his head on his friend's lap and then hyuck entered his room too

“before thinking of therapy you should start from trying to be sober for a week straight” he said with a strong voice and rolling his eyes, making him groan “you just need to let your pain out and get closure” 

“I fucked him up, he probably doesn't even want to see me and that's why I dream about him every night and it's always the same thing… that afternoon when we broke up and me trying to get a hold of him but he slips through my fingers like sand or he's too far away or he simply turns around or… I want to throw up” he warned and hyuck threw the bucket at him to, once again, empty his stomach that was only filled with alcohol at this point

“go shower and let's go out to eat, mark pays” hyuck said pushing jeno to the bathroom while his boyfriend just groaned

 

♡

 

It had been a week and half later since the last time he’d been in this place but jeno found himself on the exact same place, inside the park, on the kids playground more specifically on the slide but this time conscious and completely sober 

He had his earphones in, staring at the now clouded sky getting darker with each passing hour.  
It was calming but it also held something deeper, almost nostalgic, because this was the place where everything began to him and the place where everything ended.

 

By the time he checked the time again, it was already 22, the sky was already dark and he didn't even noticed being too lost inside his mind.

Just as he was about to head back, he noticed a silhouette on the swing he could elucidate even with his eyes closed.

The boy had a lost stare and he seemed completely absorbed with the way the wind was blowing and moving the trees slightly but he wasn't sure

He thought deeply about going and talking to jaemin but he was scared of the outcome. He prefered staring than fucking up and losing him for a second time, so he continued staring at him while the boy swinged himself softly at first and then so high up it was making him even more anxious but jaemin simply went back to slowly swinging himself until he was completely still again.

 

Just when he thought jaemin was about to leave, jeno decided to leave his own fears far away and sat silently on the swing beside the brown haired boy, but the other didn't even acknowledge another presence.

 

Jeno stayed there in silence, wanting the other to notice that there was someone next to him

Five minutes passed for jaemin to come back to earth with sudden rapid blinking, scanning the place until his eyes fell on jeno's and the other smiled lightly at him as a way of greeting but he simply couldn't comprehend what was going on

“hi” jeno said slowly, in almost a whisper, afraid of scaring jaemin away. 

He wanted to say more but his throat didn't allow him to do it.

His whole body was trembling in fear and anxiety, fingers fidgeting while his heart was beating out of control

_How’ve you been? Are you doing well? What about your family and friends? Were your plans you always talked about successful? You finally decided to buy that plushie you liked so much?_

Those were the words and questions that never came out and instead got stuck on his throat

“long time no see” jaemin replied in the same tone of voice while staring at the sky above him

“it's going to rain tonight... _again_ " jeno said beside him and jaemin wanted to laugh because everything about it was so awkward he just wanted to simply disappear but instead, he just hummed nodding and decided to stare back at him in attempt to make things less forced and artificial

“It won't” he replied “...more like: it shouldn't”

“why? You always liked the rain” jeno said confused. 

He remembered how many times the other dragged him out on a rainy day just to drink hot coffee or how they squished their bodies together while cuddling on the couch in front of the window to watch the raindrops fall against the glass while he pressed soft kisses against the younger’s temple or neck

“I still do but…” _it feels lonelier without you._

 

He knew jeno understood the rest of the sentence because it has always been like that. 

 

The other simply knew and jaemin used to tell him all the time how much he loved spending time together whenever it rained

 

“... it's different outside.. at night and during summer” he said while looking at the sky again as if daring it to start to pour right there, in that exact moment

 

He swore to throw his whole pride and pain away just to let himself feel and be happy again if it rained

 

“how have you been?” jeno asked with a tiny voice and jaemin frowned in response 

 

what was he supposed to say?

 

“fine I guess, nothing really changed much in this… two years that feel so far away but at the same time like it was just around the corner” jaemin simply said while smoothing away with his shoes the little mountain of sand that he had created unconsciously “what about you?”

“... I had better days I'm not gonna lie but here I am” he said trying hard for his voice not to quiver or give in, as if he wasn't at his lowest point two weeks ago and jaemin hummed, trying to ignore the feeling on his chest at remembering how jeno looked the last time he saw him “I'm gonna move next week” he said and the comment took jaemin completely by surprise

“oh… you changed your mind?” he asked still not meeting his eyes, just staring straight forward while swinging himself softly

“I’ve been thinking about it for a while now but I finally made the decision so… yeah, it's also closer to where I work, I can just spend the day on uni and then just come back home at night” he said a little out of breath, he wasn't used to speaking much and clearly not with jaemin.

 

Jeno didn't know if the other could get bored from him talking a lot or if he just didn't care about what he had to say so it was hard to decide which things to say and what not 

 

“seems like a good plan I mean, you're place was becoming a mess anyway so a change of surroundings sounds nice... change is always good” he blurted out and before he could realize what he said he facepalmed himself internally and simply laid his head against the chains, starting to swing himself slowly as if trying to ignore how fast his heart was beating and praying that jeno didn't pay enough attention to his words

“uh… I guess but what do you mean? my place is not a mess” he said and jaemin thanked the universe for making jeno a little slow on things like that because if that wasn't the case he was sure things would've ended up differently by now

“that's not what people have been telling me” he sing sang playfully, smiling softly and jeno felt his heart pound loudly against his rib cage

It's been _so long_ since he saw jaemin smiling but even though he haven't seen him years, even in his dreams his smile was something that always brought back that tingling feeling on the palm of his hands and a warmth on his chest he could never get over it

“I'm scared of asking how much you know”

“nothing really, I ended up stumbling with one of your friends once and he just gave me a ride” he lied, alternating the story at his liking “and I may or may not have heard that your room was kinda messy” 

“oh” he said and sighed in relief, thankful that the other wasn't aware of his suffering because the latter seemed just fine, a little off but that was common sometimes in the younger “you have something important to do later?” he asked and jaemin arched an eyebrow at him “you're almost glaring at the sky… maybe a silent threat for it not to ruin your night with raining?” he guessed and jaemin chuckled lightly looking down

“dressed like this, you think I have something important to do?” he asked beginning to swing himself and jeno could only watch him just like he did earlier on the slide and just as he stopped swinging himself soft and thin droplets starting falling and jaemin laughed making the other completely melt “it’d be nice if you let me win at least once, huh universe?” he said looking up at the sky who was only letting his tears clear up jaemin’s mind

“still making bets?” jeno asked with an incredulous tone “if it was about raining this was already made nan- jaemin” he corrected himself but it was too late and he knew the other noticed but he didn't seem to care because on the latter’s face there was still a slight smile, even though raindrops were falling on his face

“it's nice to think sometimes you can change what's already been written” he said looking at him and standing up from the swing putting his hoodie on once it started raining harder and jeno mimicked his actions and stood there in front of him “don't you think so?” he asked with a smile that wasn't completely wide but this time his teeth could be seen and jeno thought about how to answer

 

Jaemin always asked him questions that seemed so stupid at first but once he started to think about them it led him to get tangled in his own thoughts

 

“when all the signs are pointing to the right answer why would I choose the other on purpose knowing there's less than 1% chances of succeeding?” he asked confused and jaemin rolled his eyes 

“because once in a lifetime that percentage can completely turn things around” he said and took off his hoodie letting the rain soak him, washing away his pain, leaving him completely brand new and smiling while the other stared at him confused “I'll see you around lee jeno or… maybe not, now that you're moving away” he said chuckling “was this your goodbye to close places?” he asked still under the rain that was close to turn into a heavy downpour

“something like that” he said trying to hide himself from the rain 

“you weren't going to say goodbye to me?” jaemin asked jokingly but jeno’s brain still shut down. 

 

If it was a joke what was he supposed to say? And if he wasn't, should he tell him the truth?

 

“my way of saying goodbye to you was every single night coming here to bring back memories and that way keep you closer to me” he said in a whisper and the sound of the rain against the playground and the sand almost made jaemin miss what the other said

“what kind of answer is that?” jaemin asked laughing “just say you were scared or you didn't want to and done” he said and took out his phone to check the time only to put it back into his front pocket wishing it won't break or stop functioning from the rain “it's almost the time, I want to tell you a secret” jaemin said while pushing back his now completely wet hair “you want to hear it?”

“uh… I guess, I don't know where this is going and we're soaking under the rain” jeno said with doubt and a little scared to know what jaemin wanted to tell him

“almost two weeks ago… I'll make it short because I can't stop myself. You're making it kinda hard for me” he said giggling and jeno's heart was so weak he couldn't believe he was alive precensing jaemin happy and laughing in front of him “okay so two weeks ago I found you here and took you to your apartment, it _was_ me all along… thank you for throwing up on me the first time you see me in almost three years! Great way to greet me” he said sarcastically and way too rushed as if he wasn't interested in waiting for the other to react to his words and jeno felt like he couldn't breathe, his knees going weak, heart pumping loudly in his ears, aisling every other sound that wasn't jaemin’s voice and his own heavy breathing.

He was sure he was crying by now or maybe some droplets ended up on his eyes “I know you probably don't even remember what you told me but… did you mean it when you said you wanted me to stay, forever?” he asked and the tears fell from his eyes mixing with the raindrops 

“I meant every single word I said to you that night because it's always the same dream… the same as two years ago” jeno said with so much sincerity in his voice that for the first time jaemin thought sincerity was scary because he was afraid… afraid of getting burnt again by the same flame that consumed him whole in the past “I meant it every time I said I wanted you back, every time I told you to never leave me, to save me and so much more because you're the only one who can make it right again, the one who can fix me with the words only _you_ know” he said and jaemin stared at him for a while, analysing every single movement “I made the biggest mistake that afternoon. I could never love someone else as much as I loved you… you were the best part of me-”

“you can apologize for being an idiot and an asshole another day” he said with the biggest smile adorning his beautiful face and he pulled jeno by the hand to the bench that was a few meters again and they both stood there while jaemin kept giggling

“what are you doing?” he asked confused and jaemin showed him his phone and jeno watched the clock indicating the change of day and before jeno could articulate a word jaemin’s lips were on his and he couldn't help but moan at the feeling of their lips colliding and combusting together in the rain, lighting everything up in the middle of the dark night.

 

After all those years of being apart from each other jeno could only pull jaemin closer to him by his waist while kissing him eagerly, as if he knew the other was gonna end up leaving him like in every dream.

 

The kiss and being able to hold the younger back in his arms left him shaking all over, almost afraid of falling of the bench.

Jaemin wrapped one arm around his neck while with the other he put his phone back to then cup his face carefully pulling him even closer to him until their bodies were almost completely squished together

 

As cliche as a kiss under the rain with the one you love sounds, their first kiss was exactly like this too, except they were kids and they didn't know about such things as pain and relationships they only knew playing hide and seek on this exact same park.

 

Jaemin broke the kiss panting, trying to get back as much air as he could before he stared at jeno smiling while the rain was still getting into his eyes making harder to focus without blinking a thousand times a seconds to admire jeno's face.

 

Jaemin’s mouth still tasted like cotton candy and vanilla and jeno thought he could get addicted to only his taste and scent forever 

 

He connected their lips together again water mixing between their kiss and jaemin would be lying if he said he didn't miss kissing the older but at the same time as romantic as it was, they should get back down from the bench and so like that, jaemin broke the kiss again, getting down the bench with jeno; running to get under a nearby house with a roof to protect both of them from the rain

 

And once again, jeno started kissing jaemin, this time pushing him against the wall only to continue his path down to his jaw and neck making jaemin leave soft pants and moans “I love you” jaemin whispered and jeno sobbed hard on the crook of his neck while holding tightly onto his waist, almost for dear life

“please tell me I'm not dreaming, drunk, high or intoxicated by another substance because I don't think I can ever recover from this, from you leaving me again” he mumbled against the pulse of his neck and jaemin shook his head

“you're not and I never left you… not even once” jaemin said kissing jeno's temple longly like the other used to do with him everytime everything started to become too much and his feelings were overwhelming him “and I won't” he said serious and then detached himself from jeno and ran back to get his sweater and then come back laughing “sorry”

“what does this mean?” jeno asked serious but with his voice full of nervousness and jaemin pursed his lips as he stared at him 

“I want to get back with you and also… today is supposed to be our anniversary. If it rained or if I found you I promised to listen to my heart... I knew you still felt something for me since that night and while I just pretended to get over you I decided it was time to accept the fact that we are each other's home” he easily said, his words were sweet as honey and jeno was still addicted to it and to him in general

“If you really had gotten over me, would you’ve still taken me back?” jeno asked and the other laughed

“I was serious that night when I told my whole body and soul belonged to you only, I couldn't fix myself completely without you because from day 1 you were already a part of me, I didn't know what was mine and yours” he said staring at him so intensely that jeno felt hypnotised.

 

Like a magnet and a child of the universe and gravity he leaned closer to jaemin until their foreheads were almost touching and he could feel the other’s warm breath against his own mouth “you were and still are so deep inside of me it's something I can't simply wash off or forget. You're inked from inside of me” he said in a whisper and jeno pushed him again to the wall lips ghosting and grazing together but not touching “I didn't lie to you when I told you I was yours”

“I'm yours too, you're the only one who can put me down to my knees with just one kiss, you're the one who knows me and owns me in whole body and spirit forever” he said trying to control the way he wanted to kiss jaemin senseless “I love you, nana” and just as jeno was about to kiss the brown haired boy, the latter put his finger against his lips

“it stopped raining, listen” he said with eyes closed and his forehead against jeno's while the other cupped his face

“is this when you leave?” he asked and jaemin nodded

“I actually am leaving but this time with you” he said dragging jeno by the hand towards his house where they both changed to new clothes and cuddled on the couch, limbs intertwining together while watching out of the balcony of jaemin’s living room.

 

“nana” the older called softly trying to see if the other was already sleeping but he heard a humm in return “can I ask you to be my boyfriend or what happens now?” jaemin chuckled and turned around to face him to kiss him shortly

“yes you can” jaemin smiling against jeno's mouth “at 25 I'm asking for your hand” he said without even stuttering or thinking twice about his words “wait, we were already engaged” jaemin said furrowing his brows while taking out his ring and jeno took out his necklace with the ring too and laughed breathly

“this is nowhere near an engagement ring, we can't even use it without it getting oxidized” he said and jaemin hit his chest lightly

“hey! I bought them when I was 10 how was I supposed to know that it wasn't real silver?” he asked pouting and jeno brought him even closer to his body

“you truly want me dead” he said staring at him, eyes filled with love and jaemin stuck out his tongue and started to kiss his neck, biting softly on the skin 

“can I mark you?” he asked leaving open mouthed kisses along jeno's throat and the other hummed making jaemin leave a little squeal as he continued.

His teeth grazing occasionally on the skin making jeno's blood boil only for the other to drag his tongue across it.

When he felt his boyfriend shudder and moan softly that's where he focused on kissing, biting and sucking roughly until a purplish and reddish bruise already started blossoming “you still remember, right?” he asked and jeno kissed his forehead nodding

“of course I do.” he whispered while laying jaemin’s head on top of his chest while brushing his hair softly feeling so warm and complete it was almost unbearable “I love you so much nana” 

“I love you too”


End file.
